Let's talk about blame

blame self-responsibility

The Cambridge online dictionary describes blame as "to say or think that someone or something did something wrong or is responsible for something bad happening".

I've come to the conclusion that blame is pretty darn useless. We've all done it - whether it's blaming our parents, our boss, the weather, our partner, the banks or big corporate (I mean really, who doesn't want to blame big corporate?). 

But the truth is that blame is totally disempowering. It robs us of any responsibility or the opportunity for growth. It also keeps us stuck in victim (and to be clear, I'm not talking about circumstances where people truly are victimised).

The opposite of blame is self-responsibility - something few people want to talk about. Self-responsibility invites us to look at the part we play in our own lives.

Let me give you some examples:

  • You're disappointed in your friend for gossiping about something you shared in private but you know she can't keep secrets and told her anyway

  • You're resentful at your boss because he hasn't offered you a pay rise in two years but you haven't actually asked

  • You're hurt that your partner didn't buy you a Valentine's Day gift after you insisted you didn't want anything

  • You're angry that your partner cheated on you, even though you started dating him knowing he has a history of cheating

  • You're resentful at your boss for giving you more work to do but you haven't told her you're at capacity

When we take what I call 'radical self-responsibility' for our lives, we move out of victim and into empowerment. We begin to see people as they are, not for who we think they should or could be. And, fully aware of the consequences of our actions, we make better choices for ourselves.

So here’s a question for you: where do you need to take more responsibility in your life and what's ONE thing you can do this week (or today!) to move in the right direction? 


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